Listen, I get it. People suck sometimes. But that doesn’t mean all people suck all of the time, and neither should you. The bad news is you can’t control others (much to our chagrin of course!), but you are 100% in charge of you. That means you can make changes to you if you don’t like the you you are today.

Before we move on though, what exactly is cynicism or being cynical. Well, the Oxford English Dictionary defines cynicism as “…a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions…” Does that sound like you? If it does, it’s time to think differently.

In my experience the people who I’ve encountered over the years who are cynical are generally negative about everything, not just human nature. They almost always chose to err on the side of doubt and disbelief even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Frankly, it’s a dangerous place to be because it infects everything they do and every relationship they have.

The idea that “misery loves company” had to be something propagated by someone who was lonely and needed friends. It sure as heck wasn’t someone who’s positive, upbeat, and finds the best in people. Encouragers have no shortage of people wanting to befriend them, trust me.

So it begs the question, why do people think like this? In my view, they don’t think at all because it’s emotional, not rational. More often than not, it’s the result of some kind of event (or a series of them) that hurt them, and cynicism is the by-product; it’s a symptom of a greater problem under the surface. Let’s face it, it’s impossible to love, to have friends, to get to know people if you’re not willing to risk hurt. All of us, at some point in our lives will experience some kind of event (a break up, divorce, being treated poorly, et cetra) that will tear us up or break off a piece of our heart, and we may find ourselves acting that way too. So what do you do? Here’s five quick tips for you to consider:

1. Look in the mirror

The first thing you have to do is look in the mirror, be honest, and recognize you may have a problem. It’s the same with all problems. Unless you recognize it, you can’t address is. Sadly, some people go through their whole (or maybe it’s better described as “hole”) lives without ever admitting they have a problem. Thankfully, you’re smart enough to take the steps needed to improve your life.

2. Take hold of every thought

A good friend of mine told me the story of having a vacuum cleaner salesman come into their home because they had knocked and “thought” they heard someone say “come in”. This is back in the 70s, so people were less likely to lock their doors. At any rate, once the salesman got inside, it took my friend and his wife about 30 min to convince the guy to go away. In other words, once he was pass the threshold of the door, he was already inside their house; had they caught him at the door, they could have just shut the door and went about their business. Thoughts are like that. Take them captive. Stop them before they become form. Examine your thoughts and if it seems even remotely cynical in nature, reject it. I do that with all thoughts actually, because I’m always looking for harmful thought processes that could derail my goals. If you catch one, say something in your mind like, “I reject that… that is not who I want to be or how I want to think.” Be active and participate in your thoughts, don’t just go on autopilot.

3. Learn fallacies and critical thinking

I can’t tell you how often I’ve mentioned “fallacies of argumentation” to people and had them look at me like the proverbial dear in the headlights. Go look it up. They’re a critical part of critical thinking. Logic after all, is an amazing thing and it can help you overcome negative thinking. In fact, it can help you become a more rational thinker in general, which will have a direct impact on everything you do. Poor or illogical thinking leads to anxiety, depression, hatred, fear, and a lot of other negative behaviors. Trust me.

4. Chose to be a positive person

Nothing in life is an accident. The things you do (or don’t do, which is a don’t or a “no”) are either the result of previous programming, or a conscious act (an act of your volition). Believe it or not, if you find yourself being “negative”, it was a choice. You may not have recognize the choice, but it was somewhere along the line. So is being positive. If you want to be a better person, make the choice and keep at it until you make it a habit. You’ll probably screw it up and make mistakes, but so what. Just keep at it.

5. Try to be a Barnabas

In Acts 4:36 we learn that Barnabas means “Son of Encouragement”. When people say “Be like Barnabas” they’re telling others to be an encourager. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Even if you think the Bible is just some old dusty history book, or even a book of fairy tales, consider the advice independently. To go back to point #3 above, the genetic fallacy (also known as the fallacy of origins) is one where a source’s history or origin is used to dismiss the information provided, regardless of the content itself.  Remember, good advice is good advice, no matter where or whom it comes from. If you want to be less cynical or to avoid every becoming cynical, choose to be an encourager. That means, you need to actively look for good qualities in people instead of any negative ones.

There’s no magical panacea in life to “fix” all of our problems, but we can build ourselves up and grow a little bit with a little effort every day.